I tend to not talk about my size, in any light other than worshipping myself and my own taste in my very cheap and very simplistic outfits (haha). It’s on purpose, even if I don’t always feel as fabulous as I talk about being.
Look, I love myself. I’ve been a lonely kid basically all my life, and I had to make peace with that voice in my head at a young age, because there was no other way to harness that voice to narrate my dolls’ lives, or all the lives I made up for the people I saw. I needed that voice to be my friend, I needed to understand that voice and what it was there for.
I’ve actually almost mastered remembering that that voice is just the very deepest, most scared part of me, letting itself be known. We are our own worst critics. Even bullies don’t know us like we know us. While I may not always love what I see, I acknowledge that what I see is the only person who’s ALWAYS been there for me, always will be. This body has never let me down, it is the border between me and everything else. It’s my safe place, and this brain and this voice are the lobby and loudspeaker of that safety. Even with my anxiety and depression mostly dictating how I feel about myself, I try to keep in check what is allowed to play through this system.
At 11 I reached 5’7’, and I’m now just under 5’10”. I’ve never been small in any way, my hair and my voice and my body have always been big. It took a lot of constant unlearning to realize that there was nothing wrong with me just because I looked different. I think in part being an immigrant from such a small country really helped that mentality, helped me understand that sometimes you’re just more different than the different you see around you, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
This brings me to being considered “plus-size” when I just consider myself “size”. This isn’t out of some ignorance of myself or society or reality, it’s just weird for me to think about body positivity while also using a term that still depends on a normative body standard. Saying plus size is saying that your body is outside of sizing, somehow additional to what sizes should cover. Maybe this is semantics, but it makes me hesitate to make content that otherwise really appeals to me. I love fashion and beauty, but there are some aspects of the plus size industry that are inherently still reliant on separating us, on othering anyone after a certain size.
I understand that these distinctions start out as an empowerment, the fact that it’s an industry in itself today is a huge change that I don’t think adolescent me ever saw coming. I’m happy for me and other people like me. I’m glad there’s more representation across races and sizes and complexions and hair textures. I just think that a term like that still indicates that there are sizes you should be to be considered “straight sized” or “average”. Labels are labels and they’ll likely always suck. Just don’t call me plus sized. My size is exactly what it should be, it’s not plus or minus anything.
PS: Some great alternatives include “extended sizing”, “size inclusive”, and “fly as hell”.